void of existence

I left my place this morning at about 4am to go to my office.  Everything is quiet.  Calm and peace fell upon the cool dewy air.  Its actually refreshing.  Then a swarm of memories of the days when I woke up in the early during bmt came flooding back like it was happening right in front of my eyes.

Those were the twilight of the fun years.  It went up and up before it finally came crashing down.

Marriage is a choice.  Its not dependant on moods.  Its something that you work on every moment.  Friends become secondary, but they must remain in the scope of things to make the marriage function happily.

Thats what we talked about yesterday at dinner.  Marriage.

Life is a wonderfully strange thing.  I was spooked by the fact that I have an apartment now.  Fully under my name.  My responsibility. 

Lil called me earlier as she needs help to get to the hospital as her dad is going into operation.  I went to her at once.  Friends..we look out for each other. 

The thing that came to mind is that it is a good thing that I am driving again.  I wouldnt be able to help her otherwise.  Power is something that we must have first before we can even think about helping others.  I learn that from Gundam.  So the next person who come and tell me that a car is a wasteful thing.  I am so going to jump on them.

Its that time of the year again.  Lots of ashes.  Polluted air.  Burning..burning..burning.

Tears to blood.  Blood to Flesh.  Flesh to stone.  Unemotional.

Everything has changed.  So much has changed.  Its different now.  I wonder how.  I wonder why.

The world has moved on. 

For some reason, I feel like being alone earlier this evening.  But being alone as in be in a place that no one knows me.  So I went to a dodgy little pub around the corner.  Surprisingly, its pretty quiet.  I had a beer and smoked a panatela. 

Now that I think about it.  Its cool to be alone sometimes.  I have time to sort out my thoughts.  I feel much better after that. 

Thoughts…we cannot stop thoughts from occurring to us.  The fact that we are not thinking about it doesnt mean that it doesnt affect us unconsciously.  I think thats foolhardy. 

The incredible thing that happen tonight is an acident that happened.  There was a loud boom and someone seem to have been hurt.  The amazing thing is the arrival of 2 fire truck, 1 ambulance and 1 police car.  Total of no less than 25 personnel.  A bit of overkill if you ask me.

Anyways, I had a boring day today. 

I find myself very puzzled today with how people seems to be fascinated about my recent decision to purchase my large ticket items.  Then I thought about it, and it is probably true.  If I am not as single as I am, I would need to discuss these matters with my ‘CO’.  I may not even get approval of it.  Come to think of it again, I have always made my own decision whether I am attached or not. 

I justified it to myself enough that I have considered everything.  Persons who are closed to me would have gotten all the tell tale signs or even outright exclaimation of what I wanted to do.  No questions about it.

So now..what next?

I am re-assessing my situation.  I think a lot of things are falling into place.  I am liking my situation a bit more each day.  Now if I can get pass the ghost months quickly, that will be cool.

Funny thing happened yesterday.  On 3 separate cab ride, all of them doesnt have $2 notes.  I ended up with a whole bunch of $1 coins.

I was talking to my real estate friend, who is not much of a real estate agent or a friend.  Basically, once the place was decided, everything was ‘oh..wait for the banker’, ‘oh…wait for the lawyer’, ‘oh…wait for the valuator’, oh…wait for this and wait for that.  Not proactive at all.  Just sitting there waiting for the tides to carry us around.  Then as a friend, disagreement is ok but at least we need to understand the position of the other person.  Maybe being too understanding is bad.  Let’s be snobbish instead.  See my nostrils?

Maybe I am influenced recently that everything is dependant on our effort.  Yes, things may happen when it happen, but we should do what we can to make it happen within our schedule.  Not be led around by the nose.  I no longer see a standard response like ‘the procedure time is 2 weeks’ as an acceptable to sit there and wait for 2 weeks.  There must be some things we can do to speed it up.

Food dropped on the table.

Guys pick it up quickly and plop it into the mouth.  Gals exclaimed Eww..disgust.

Army days..who cares anyways.  Food dropped on the ground and we pick it up to eat.  If thats not enough, there is always eating roots.  It doesnt matter. 

So whats the big deal when its on the table?

Being very pushy today.  Trying to get a few things done in record time.  I hate it when things go to a government department and people just give up in trying to get things moving.

“The process will take 2 weeks.”  and thats it.  Everyone sits still.

Its amazing how people can just wait.  Ya..I used to be like that to.  But I was told to be proactive.  In other words, pushy.

Wedding dinner tonight was good.  Food was fast and dinner was short so that we can do the party right away.  Bankers..they cant organize an event if their lives depends on it.  After party venue was way too small for 60 pax.

Loof…I have no idea what they were thinking when they created the indoor space.

At dinner, I was asked ‘why blog?’  Well, so that I can put my thoughts down and I can understand what I am thinking, how I think and why I think the way I do.  But why not do it privately?  Well, I never really intended my blog to be of anyone’s attention.  But I do not mind sharing.  It keeps us thinking and it gives closer ones the opportunity to tell us ‘hey, that thinking is right/wrong’.  It keep my thoughts honest, at least to myself.  Dun you think that when we know someone is watching, we will be more thoughtful of the subject?

Its not about restricting ourselves.  Its about understanding our own thoughts and be mindful of what is going on at the back of our mind so that it doesnt create an action that we have no idea why we made it.