void of existence

I am feeling moody today.  Empty and moody.  I told myself that no one better come give me grievances.  Absolutely not in the mood for that.

This video answers and tells of what’s going through my mind:

Yesterday, I did a good deed that landed me at the police station. 

A guy was slapping a gal near the swimming pool at my estate.  When I approached, he told me to F off.  I told him that he will not lay a finger on her while I am around.  He went on to slap her.  I hit his arm away.  Then I side stepped to dodge a punch that he threw out at me, and it landed on my arm.  Hitting me for 5 hitpoints. Thats when I gathered my qi for my Dragon slaying Eighteen stances palm technique – Mystic Dragon Emerging from the Sea(神龙出海).  Even though this technique is weak in its hit ratio, the purpose of the technique is misunderstood for its intent as it is meant to create a space between the person and his opponents.  The palm lashed out at him and stunning him into the swimming pool. 

As he tried to get out of the water, I continue using my Legendary Wind Kick technique – Wrecking Force of the Thunder storm (风雨残楼) to keep him in the pool. 

Of course, someone already called the police before I intervened and they fished him out of the pool.  And we went to the station after I changed my pants.  Talked about getting wet for a girl.  No..she is not young and not hot and I am not interested in her.

Fate brings people together, Effort keeps people together. 

Age gives people a difference, Maturity allows people to overcome differences. 

Life is an emotional roller coaster, Death is a physical flat liner.

I went to BBDC to help a friend to get his foreign driving licence to be converted to the Singapore driving licence.  The process is very sound on paper but in practicality, its ridiculous. 

1)  First, we were told that we need to go to the traffic police counter for verification that the driving licence can be converted.  Later, I found that this is totally unnecessary coz if you cannot convert your foreign driving licence, you have to blardy sit for the basic theory exam anyways.  This queue took almost an hour with about 15 people in front of us.  Of course, they have only 1 person working at the counter at any one time, so the service as you can imagine is really ’super fast’.  In any case, the lady behind the counter were helpful and sharp.

2)  Then, we have to take a queue number for the registration for the theory test.  Ok, this is about a 5 mins wait as there are 3 counters opened with 20 other staff running around answering enquries of how to proceed.  The person in charge asked for the relevant documents and did the registration of the particulars into their system as well as put the charges for the test into the system.  After which, he told us we need to go to an automated counter for payment.

3)  Ok, we are at the automated counter and a smiley lady was there to assist.  So we made our payment and only nets allowed.  Hmm…we are there to convert a foreign driving licence.  What if the foreigner doesnt have a nets card or bank account yet?  Ok, they accept cash card, but .. huh?

4)  After the automated counter, we were ushered to the self booking terminals section, where we can self service ourselves to book a date of our choice.  Of course, in this section, there are 3 staff assisting 15 terminals, which only 3 is occupied at that time. 

5)  The date is set and we were told to go to another section to obtain a printout/receipt of the booking.  Err…another section?  Ok.  We went there and there is a scanner for the IC and the printer printed the receipt.  There is a staff there to assist the two printing machines there.

Ok, here is where I dun understand…why cant they just open more counters to assist people?  Automation is great but if you need to put a person to be there to assist the people using the automated machines…isnt that just a bit ‘duh’.  I give credit to the staff at BBDC for being helpful, courteous, smiley and professional.  But really..someone should question the management for such a impractical system.

Tonight’s scrabble got cancelled coz our lovely songbird gotta work in another setup. 

Sometimes it is interesting that while one does not do anything.  I seem to get more advancement then actually actively pursuing someone.  Point is whats with sobbishness and attractiveness?

I am too lazy to write to explain. 

But one thing I wanna talk about is the ‘requirements’ of ideal partners.  There is no such thing.  There may be things that we like but really thats just may not be what we are getting.  Let me put this as an example.  Take movies/tv stars for example.  We have some relatively attractive people who work hard their entire career, but they are just not A list material.  Then, once in a while, we have a new face just appear out of no where and shoot to superstardom.  Its not that they dun work hard behind the scene, but just that they have the X factor as well.  So who is to say there is a list or not.

Saturday 6pm.  Con Divan. 

I was away for a few days on a vacation and couldnt get connection to this url.  I got Internet and was happily playing online scrabble.  Or rather, I got my butt kicked.  What’s a Kili anyways??!

So what did I do during my vacation?  Well, I went many places in my mind.  Exploring the inner space.  I really did not do much other than sitting at the hotel lobby lounge.  I read a book, play online scrabble, smoke cigars, disturb the waitresses, staring out the window, took long walks in the evening. 

I have been having a bad day since 2 days ago.

I do not think that an action is rude just because it is dislike by another person.  Thats over now.

We are talking a lot about what bring us happiness?  I really do not want to know.  My life now is about indifference.  There is no reason to be happy and hence no reason to be sad.  But I am getting pissed off a lot lately.  So much so that I just accept them and move on.  There is a sense of frustration at the back of my head, but strangely, it doesnt have the effect of a full blown anger.

Anger…its a powerful tool.  Dark though..

Time for a talk.  Communicate with clarity and purpose.  That is what you need to do.  Write the issues down.  Starting from the problems to the reasons to the proposed solution.  Thats just the structure. 

Say what is acceptable and unacceptable.  Walking out in a middle of a sermon for 10mins for a business call on a sunday?  Thats not beliefs, thats going through the motion.  Prioritizing is important in life.  When priorities are wrong, we should correct them.  Educate and influence.

As for me.  I am indifferent.  No happiness and no sadness.  Tingles of emotions erupts now and then.  I can identify them, but not feel them.

There is only me at the end of this road.  No one is waiting there.  There is only me.

Was watching Hard Boiled and it really reminds me of me of the Infernal Affairs.  Tony Leung has really been playing this undercover thing pretty well.  Same meetings in the roof top, birthday surprise, being under cover and living another life of lies and deception.

How we choose to live is entirely up to us.  Unfortunately, we cannot feel more or less than who we really are.  Thats how we are built.  We search around for another who can share our lives with us.  We search…and sometimes we are lucky while other times we just settle for whatever we have.  Its like walking in a forest and we are allowed to only move forward to pick a tree.  So if we come to a tree of our liking, do we stay or do we go looking for a better tree.  We may eventually walk out of the forest…feeling lonely and without a tree.

I know what it is like.  We all wanna find someone who can connect with us by EVIL.

Nose bleed….

This is a continuation from the comments from previous post.  Strangely, I thought of this today in another context. 

The news reported an Amish community was disturbed by a gunman ‘executed’ 4 Amish girls in the US.  My condolences to those affected.  Thats when the idea of getting a gun comes to the conversation.  I was asked who do I want to kill.  Is it her husband?  My first reaction was ‘No’.  Why would I want him dead?  She is happy with him.  There is no reason to make her sad.  What I missed was the love that was gone.  Not her…maybe…I do not believe that I am so self sacrificing in any sense.

I really have no one that I want to kill.  Continuous Hell is in itself a punishment for the living.  I know…I am in one.

So who put me there.  Myself. 

Similarly, the love is gone.  But sometimes, there are just old habits not dying.  There may not be love in a relationship, but just fatigue in looking for one other that may end up the same.  Might as well pick a fight every day with someone we already know and therefore have a chance of winning the argument.  ‘Know thyself and know thy enemy’ after all.  There may also be the fear of the unknown.  Many many other reasons, which slip my mind at this unearthly hour.

For me, I put myself here.  I thought that I will want to venture and let her venture to look for our last lap of being by ourselves.  So that the road can be travelled more interestingly.  I was wrong.  I should have stick with the stress and boredom that I felt.  At least, there is security and a known path/expectations.

Who are we, as external parties, to say what is right and what is wrong?  When we are in that situation, then we can answer that ourselves.  And we really have no one to blame.  Any suggestion can be brought up.  But we are the only one who chooses them.