Dave Zinczenko’s Mysteries of the Sexes Explained

As the editor of the biggest men’s magazine in the world, I am privy to something many women rarely hear – straightforward, uninhibited guy talk.Don’t be so shocked – guys do actually talk, and not just about Tom Brady’s quarterback rating. Most women think their man is the strong, silent type (or maybe the oblivious, silent type), and they wonder why he doesn’t share his feelings.

But here’s the truth: Men do want to open up, about their hopes, their fears, and their passions. Yet put him alone in a room with you, and he often turns into a Sphinx. Why can’t he take his eyes off the TV and talk about the state of the relationship, or the finances, or, heck, the backyard landscaping? Why in the world can’t he just summarize his day for 10 minutes?

In fact, one in five women say that they typically fight about a man’s lack of verbal interaction, and 30 percent of men say their failure to communicate is the source of major conflict in the relationship. Why is it this way?

Here’s one answer: Because even men who have feelings to share don’t always feel comfortable sharing them with their partner. These are some of the reasons why some men often prefer to zip it, rather than delivering the goods:

Guys Are A Little Intimidated
No question, women are expert communicators. They throw questions like Oprah after her third cup of coffee; they’re connecting on all cylinders. And like the divine Ms. W, women bring a lot of skill to their game: A special awareness of the people-scape around them, a keen set of emotions keyed to that awareness, and a rich vocabulary they use to talk about anything at anytime.

And they’re always practicing their Q&A skills on their many friends, so they’re in top talk mode all the time. Men know this. And they also know that more than one-third of women say that men simply can’t relate and don’t understand women. The result: Men are afraid of saying too much, because saying the wrong thing may get them into more trouble than Lindsay Lohan as a designated driver.

Guys Need To Decompress
Woman’s view: When a man walks in the door, he ought to cough up some of the details about his day. After all, it’s been 10 hours since they’ve communicated, not counting the two IMs, three voice mails, and one actual mid-day conversation.

Man’s view: Can I please make a beeline to the bathroom? When men reach home, it’s like those ultra-marathoners staggering across the finish line in Death Valley. The last thing they want to do is discuss how bright the sunlight was, and how scarce the water stops were.

Further up on his want-to-do list after arriving home: 14 percent of men want to check email, 12 percent are looking for a little private time in the bathroom, and 10 percent simply want to eat dinner. The common theme here: After they’ve spent a day serving the needs of others, they want to take care of themselves a little.

So when a man is hit with a demand for conversation so closely after returning from the stressful environment of work, he has only one gear left to shift into, and sometimes it’s reverse. He’s retreat, retreat, retreat.

Guys Are More Comfortable With Actions Than Feelings
Rather than talking about how he “feels,” often a man would rather express his love by changing her oil, or bringing home a flower, or relinquishing control of the remote.

And when men do talk, they’d prefer to talk about actions rather than emotions. For instance, a lot of guys would choose to express their long-range faith in a relationship by talking about next summer’s vacation plans, not by launching into a soliloquy about undying love.

Both conversations can mean the same thing (that he plans on sticking around); he just prefers to say it with plane tickets, rather than poetry. It’s one of the reasons men are more comfortable talking at work (the practical universe) than they are at home (the castle that emotion built). But you can bring out his great communicator by making him feel more like he’s operating in work mode, even when the topic at hand is your love life. Here’s an incredible article, “The Home Office,” that shows how he can use his best office skills for great success at home.

Guys Don’t Want To Be Put On The Spot
When men talk less and women want more, the scenario can escalate. Like when the bad cop is pummeling the reluctant witness, more silence equals more questions. A full 65 percent of men we surveyed recently told us they don’t want their partners to ask them more questions about themselves.

It’s clear that some men are just plain tired of feeling like they’re on the witness stand. They’re not necessarily hiding anything; many guys simply prefer not to have to relate confusing feelings that they may not even understand themselves.

An age-old tactic can make things better: Back off a little, give him room to operate in a conversation, and he’s more likely to open up. To find out if his lack of communication really does mean that your relationship needs a tune up, take this quick quiz.

A lot of us will recognize that we come from this little island called sillypore.  I am proud of what the country has achieved so far with our limited resources and all.  The recent visit to the Motherland, where my grandfather comes from, confirmed that even more.  But there are such potential there that no one in their right mind will say otherwise.

So it comes to going away with my darling.  The toughest part of leaving is leaving little noodles behind.  So we tried to pack her in as well.

 

 Of course, that didnt work out too well.  So she has to stay behind with my cousin, Nicole, and Chewie has to stay with my soon-to-be mother-in-law.

On the first day at Shen Zhen, the weather was really cold as compared to last year and of coz to SG.  My darling almost froze her behind off.  And ya…its a cute behind so we tried to keep it warm as much as possible.

However, that didnt stop her from trying the ice cream from KFC, which is really everywhere since last year.

 Oh..we met my grandniece.  Er..hmm…Me..a granduncle.

 The next stop is Hong Kong.  We took the train there from Shenzhen.  My darling thinks that its a choo choo type and was a wee bit disappointed when I told her its more like the MRT train these days in China.

 Just what is that guy in the back seat starig at?

Anyways, we were at a dessert store, where I thought this is kinda interesting..

 My darling…a big sister…hmm..

The trip was going pretty well so far.  Oh..a little funny bit is when we checked into the hotel in Hong Kong.

The above is the view from the Excelsior Hotel in HK.  The reservation was made by my bro under his corporate rate.  The receptionist assumed that Mr Chan will be staying the night with me and asked if a ‘King size bed’ will be ok.  Huh?  Coz not.  Duh…

 We went to Guangzhou after that.  Its really an old city with new stuff.  Lots of local branded shops and Macdonalds and KFC.  Incidentally, I think the world’s most hunted living creature in the world is squids.  Everyone I know likes calamari.  The Chinese have squids on all their roadside stalls and on the food menu (squid balls and what not).  I wonder just how many squids die every day.

Here’s Yvonne outside a waxed meat specialty shop.

My uncle, who is almost as good as a permanent resident in Guangzhou, brought us around since he spent lots of his semi-retirement time there.

We had lots of good dinner.  We had lots of hot pots, or known as steamboat in SG..

That probably explained the 4Kg I put on over the last 9 days.

Now to get you off that horror image..here’s a closed up of the ceiling.

 I wonder how the debris got up there.

 We were staying at this budget hotel in Guangzhou, but after 2 nights of the dumpling selling songs from the street stall, we moved to Holiday Inn, which offer a 5 star environment.

 We had a good time.  And thats the first trip for Yvonne and myself.

 Now..we are back home.  We didnt forget our doggies since we saw a street selling all sorts of pets.  Poor puppies are out in the cold.

 So we got a plush tiger for the doggies..they share toys anyways…so one is good enough.

 And here’s little noodles showing all her excitement of our return.

Its the CNY evening once again.  The difference is that this is my last year being single.  Next year will mark that I will need to give red packet.

On a number of occasion, there was topic of how much should a red packet be.  Well, in my opinion, the red packet is giving a blessing of fortune for the new year and not sharing our fortune.  Its meant to be a token.  We are not kids anymore to depend on the red packet as our pocket money.  Neither are we in the older days when traditionally, this is the time when we get our bonus from our bosses.

In the new year, there will be challenges to our lives.  I hope that everyone will be able to maintain their spirit and happiness throughout the rough times as well as during the good times.

For my family and bros, many blessing for the new year.

Reading one of my fav manga again…I find that the character that appeals to me most is Akira Sendoh.

In sending a difficult message, it is often necessary to explain where we are coming from. After that, the most difficult message can be communicated without raising too much resistance.

In my recent message about a snob, I have discovered what a heart of gold that my best friend’s wife has. I should not be surprised, but I am. Salute!

As an update, I was told that the person (snob) is shy, as in low self esteem, and she was hurt before.  Well, I wish her the best still.  I hate to see people not happy.  But such is the road of life.  We will lose happiness (some of it anyways) along the way.  If we are lucky, we will find happiness again.  So for you people who are happy, treasure it please.  For those without, its really up to you to find it.

We need to have goals to keep us on track.  When we lose sight of our long term and short term goals, we will lose focus.  Sometimes, that causes depression.  Being aware of our emotions are important to avoid being crippled by depression.

In the start of this weekend, I received a phone call that brought some surprising news.  My sister broke of her engagement as the 2 of them seem to divert on their goals in life.  I cannot say that I am shocked.  In any case, I have said my piece to her and whatever is her decision, I will support her no matter.